Another Little Excerpt From “Cancer:It’s Not For Everyone”

My back aches, my glasses have scratches, and I still have a cold hanging on, but here I am shamelessly trying to convince people come to come out the Chapel Street Players (CSP) on 27 N. Chapel St., Newark De. and spend a couple of hours at the first public reading of my play “Cancer: It’s Not For Everyone.”

The wonderful people at CSP are helping stage this thing with real actors, a groovy director, and everything. This way people can tell us what work, what doesn’t, and frankly make this true community theater.

With that said below is another excerpt as a tease. BTW this is all mostly true.

Chance gets up and gets ready for bed.Mr. Caldwell is already asleep. Chance gets into bed and turns out the light. The stage remains quiet for a minute and the sound of one person marching can be heard offstage. A man in starched camouflage combat dress enters the room. He stops, looks around, and appears disgusted. He flips on the light.

 Col. Rituxin

What in the hell is wrong with you?

Chance

Huh, what. Where am I? Who are you?

 Col. Rituxin

Are you asking questions? Get the hell off that bed.

Rituxin grabs Chance by the front of his

shirt, drags him out of the bed and throws

him on the ground. The I.V. lines need to

come out easy

 Col. Rituxin

Where the hell is your uniform? Do you think this is some kind of game?

Rituxin begins to go through Chance’s

dresser or locker. He pulls out a camouflage

shirt and throws it at him.

Col. Rituxin

Here. Put this on. Where is your weapon?

Rituxin begins looking around the room and

finally finds a rifle and throws it to Chance.

Chance

Whoa take it easy. This might be loaded. What the heck is going on here? Who are you?

 Col. Rituxin

Shut up! Listen! (whispering now) Do you hear that? Shit, they’ve heard us.

 Chance

Who heard us?

 Col. Rituxin

Do you know where you are? This is a goddamn cancer ward; who do you think heard us?

 Chance

The cancer?

 Col. Rituxin

Give the boy and free PET (pronounced pet) scan. At least he has one complete thought. Shit, shit, shit, they’re coming this way.

Rituxin jumps up. Pulls his handgun from

his holster and fires two shots to the back of

the theater.

 Chance

Holy Shit! What are you doing? This is a hospital you can kills someone like that.

 Col. Rituxin.

You really are dumber than you look aren’t you? You better get this into you thick head right now, or you will die. This isn’t a hospital; it’s a battlefield. And people in my company are in the killing business. And business isn’t good enough yet.

 Chance

Company? What company?

 Col. Rituxin

You’re beginning to worry me. Okay I’ll say this slowly (he shoots again) we don’t have much time. My name is Col. Rituxin I command Chemo Company and we’re about to be up to our ass in pissed off cancer cells, misdirected, violent, take no prisoners white blood cells, and a bunch of moronic red blood cells to top off our hematological enemies list.

 Chance

Red blood cells moronic? I don’t understand.

 Col. Rituxin.

All they do is pick up oxygen and drop it off. Just about any cell could do that if it applied itself. The real bad-asses are those white blood cells. They’re always spoiling for a fight. They’ll fight anything; infection, cancer, a splinter from an old fence. They just like to fight. Let’s get started. I’ll spot for you. Get in a good prone unsupported firing position.

 Chance

What are we doing?

 Col. Rituxin

We are going to kill all the cells coming our way. And if things go really well, we’ll go find more to kill.

Chance rolls over onto his belly, aims his

rifle, and takes up a good firing position.

 Chance

I can’t see anything.

 Col. Rituxin

Get up in the bed.

Chance gets in the bed facing toward the

foot of the bed with at the ready. Col. Rituxin

stands next to him with binoculars.

 Col. Rituxin

Okay we got two cancer cells to our right at about 125 meters.

 Chance

I see them.

 Col. Rituxin

Take ‘em out.

Chance fires.

 Col. Rituxin

It appears your good for something after all. That’s pretty good shooting. Alright, we have some white blood cells on our left at about 100 meters. Let’s get them next.

Chance

Don’t we want to save the white blood cells?

Col. Rituxin

Didn’t anybody explain to you how this works? Chemo kills all cells we don’t make choices. If one of these sons of bitches gets loose and becomes cancerous you know what happens? You’ll be pushing up daisies. We kill everything we can in the short amount of time we have. Don’t ever forget that — chemo kills. That’s all we do. So shoot something PLEASE!

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