Six Month Check up

It happens every time.

Me in my “Bill’s Not Dead Yet” Tee Shirt
Me in my “Bill’s Not Dead Yet” Tee Shirt

Regardless how much improvement I seem to have made in the previous six months, just before my next oncology appointment I get anxious. I get this sense that I’ve relapsed – even though it is more likely than not that I am fine. Yet in the back of my mind there is a voice.

“It’s too close to call. You’re not out of the woods yet. It’s only bee three years. Other people relapse about now, why should you be so lucky? At your age it is only 50/50.”

Gulp is all I can manage.

I have been doing well these past six months. Not much purpura (purple blotches on the skin), hardly any neuropathy, no petechiae to speak of, and I’ve been dedicated and disciplined in my working out and diet.

So I should be alright … yet there is always a doubt.

Tomorrow morning I’ll get up, have a cup of coffee, and head to the Helen F. Graham Cancer Center, take the elevator to the third floor, and get my blood drawn. Then I’ll wait a little, maybe stop by the chemo suite to see the ladies, and then go see my doc.

He’ll check me out, we’ll exchange quips, and then I’ll be on my way for a celebratory lunch … All the while wanting to puke before lunch.

I guess that’s it.

And I’ll keep working at living – for six more months – until my next appointment.

Ho hum!


5 thoughts on “Six Month Check up

  1. Bill I know this feeling all to well. The doubt and anxiety is always there, yet to look at me at least people would never know I have Cancer. Unlike you I have not been in complete remission, the numbers from my blood tests have been low but stable, my neuropathy is getting worse as well as over all pain. My check-ups with the Oncologist are every four months, so like you I keep on living four months at a time. Be tough and be well.


    • Elizabeth: You’re right of course. I am lucky. I dodged a lot of suffering and it breaks my heart to hear that you are having a bit more. I will stay strong. How long have you been out of chemo?


  2. Right there with you Bill. No matter how much time passed, my first all-clear was 10/10/11, and I get those flutters before my 6 month checkups. Every little physical symptom brings up that fear – is it coming back? Part of you wants the PET/CT, just to be really sure, but that’s a whole other level of paranoia. Then comes the blood-draw, you’re a pro, you point out to the phlebotomist to best place to draw (after all, you’ve had so many of these) then you wait, the doctor and his PA come in, do the obligatory lymph node check, chat – give you the all-clear, and tell you to come back in 6 months. That wave of relief washes over, and you get 5.5 months to not think about it…


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