Here’s what we know from watching the Billboard Music Awards last night.
1. Chrissy Teigen will knock people down to get on stage.
2. She is married to John Legend and they have sex a lot.
3. David Lee Roth can’t sing anymore (or won’t)
4. Ludacris is in a very successful movie earning more than $1 billion
5. Fallout Boy is pretty good (or at least they have the good sense to hire good dancers)
6. J-LO has a killer body
7. Rita Ora forgot underwear
8. Meghan Trainor can actually sing
9. And BB King never existed.
I presume – and it is not much of a presumption – that many people like me tuned into the Billboard Music Awards curious to see what kind of tribute would be staged to commemorate the passing of BB King. One could argue – I think fairly effectively – that his work in blues laid the groundwork for pop music. In a seven degrees of Kevin Bacon kind of way those distractionists (I refuse to call them artist) at the awards could draw a line from their work to Mr. King.
But nothing like that was forthcoming. We were instead treated to Chrissy Teigen reminding us she sleeps with John Legend, a self-indulgent video of Taylor Swift in her newest piece of distraction “Bad Blood,” and David Lee Roth attempting to gyrate his aged body to feedback strewn guitar music that hasn’t stood the test of time.
And yet I waited.
I watched until they said we’d soon see a tribute to that longtime musical genius Paul Walker
Better him, I guess, than the guy who was Eric Clapton’s idol.
I threw my hands up at the lot of them. Sad, sad, sad.